Now What?

I'm trying really hard to not fall into a major funk over this Haiti thing.


I moped around in denial all day yesterday, hoping that somehow, somebody would pull off a way for us to be able to go.  Then an email came from the medical director, regarding the dental team there and future plans:

 I just got off the phone with Danielle.  They are all okay, but wet and a bit shook-up. The clinic was destroyed and the area is a mess. There are downed trees and some homes have been destroyed..  There is really no way we could hold clinic. Some have asked about the possibility of going to help with clean up. We are not set logistically to do that and there would be no one to meet us at the airport and there would be no place for us to stay so the answer to that is no. At this point there is no plan to reschedule the trip.

I know that everyone is disappointed and devastated by this news.  I know that we wanted to go there to help and be able to serve. There is a group going in March and another next October.  Look forward to being able to do this in the future.

So that's it. We really are not going.

Last night, somewhere out at the Salt Lake City International Airport, there was a red eye flight to New York with 26 empty seats.  One of those seats  was mine. I seriously considered driving out to the airport and getting on that flight anyway, all by myself.  But then I couldn't figure out what I would do once I got to New York.  My courage would not be sufficient for me to board a flight to Haiti by myself, especially knowing there would be nobody waiting to meet me on the other end.  So instead of going to the airport, I took a sleeping pill and went to bed. Right at this moment, I should be on a flight to Haiti.

And here I sit in my kitchen, not sure what to do with myself for the next 9 days.  There is no shortage of items on my to-do list.  I have a million things I could be doing, if I could only muster the ambition.   But I spent the past two weeks clearing my days and making other arrangements to NOT be doing any of that stuff  in my life so that I could go do this other thing.  Now that other thing is gone too, and the abyss of a major funk is spreading out before me and quietly calling my name. And I really don't want to go there.

Should I call my boss and go back to work, and dive right back into all the normal stuff I would be doing if I had never planned on going to Haiti?  Should I just sleep for the next week and a half?  If I had any money, I'd probably run off on a vacation  somewhere warm.

Nope,  I'm just going to unpack my backpack, and file a claim with my travel insurance.  Then I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and figure out what comes next.