Still Home

I took the kids with me to Logan today.  I worked, they played with old friends, and then we played some more before it was time to come  home.   Leaving there wasn't easy tonight. It was all I could do to gather up my things and  and pull my children  out of the creek at Merlin Olsen Park, where we were this evening, and make the drive home to Syracuse tonight.  I wanted to stay so bad.  I wanted to go back to my tiny little house on 500 East with it's tiny little house payment,  and sit on the front porch and have back the life we used to have. 

Most days I have some measure of optimism that we are capable of adapting to life on the edge out here.  Most days are okay, and I know that we will eventually come to feel like this is home.  One day this house will turn into ours, all of our clutter will find a place, and we will make memories here that will give it that familiar feeling of home.

Right now, it doesn't feel like any of that is going to happen, and it doesn't feel like we are any closer to that than we were 16 months ago.   In the grand scheme of things, I know this is an insignificant problem, but it's my problem and since this is my blog, I get to whine about it for a bit.

I miss everything about our old life right now.  I miss our east-facing house.  I miss my backyard and the back gate that led out to the park.  I miss living within walking distance of every possible necessity of life, from the hospital to the movie theater to the ice rink to the university.  I miss swimming at the Sports Academy.. I miss Smith's Marketplace and Lees.   I miss Angie's. 

I miss our friendly little school, where every teacher and the principal, and most of the other students, knew my three kids by name.  I miss the parks, the big trees, and the old houses with the awful cracked sidewalks.   I miss the free bus, and being able to be anywhere in 10 minutes or less. I miss the stadium lights you could see from our front yard. 

I miss my friends.  I miss my 5 minute drive to work.  I even miss my dentist.

Logan was home for 12 years.  It still feels like home.   Life seemed simpler then, when the kids were littler, and all of our problems seemed littler too.  Tonight I just want to go home.