Kids in Bulk

What a month. Cousins, neighbors and other assorted relatives and acquaintances have revolving-doored themselves through our house so much lately that I can't really remember who lives here and who is just visiting. And I don't really care much anymore either. At some point this year, I had six kids of my own, four of whom lived with me. So if somewhere between four and six kids show up for dinner or needing a bed on any given night, we'll take em. I can't really guarantee that I'll be cooking anything that night, or that the sheets will be clean, but you are welcome to root through the fridge and crash on the couch for a night or two.

So, owing to sheer crazy-hood, somehow I wound up at Sam's the other day with seven kids in tow. Well, they were not exactly in tow. If they had been in tow, it may not have been such a memorable visit. Rather than being in tow, all seven of them managed to beat me through the front doors, and by the time I made it into the store, they were nowhere in sight. I was still hopeful though. I had exactly ONE ITEM to grab, and I just knew we could do it. In and out, like a lightning strike. I found the three girls glued to the giant TV watching A Bug's Life. Two of the boys were rifling through the electronics section and the other two were searching for a water fountain. But at least they had stayed in packs, and looked out for the little ones.

And then, after I finally got everybody rounded up, before we set out in search of our one item, those seven little buggers totally schnookered me into buying each one of them a gigantic sized soda to carry through the store, which prompted the deli cashier to ask me if I just wanted to buy a round for the house. Very funny.

I won't go into the excruciating detail of attempting to herd seven kids through, over and around the video games, the stuffed horses, the Disney movies and the food samples. In the time we were there, I went through at least 42 million napkins, washed a piece of dust out of an eye, visited the bathroom, lost two children, lost my voice and very nearly lost my mind. And that was with the GOOD kids. They really were good kids. They were just...kids.

They beat me back out to the car, spilled a drink, and left garbage in my back seat. And yet, I was victorious. I actually emerged from Sam's carrying the actual item I had gone in for. And I remembered to pay for it. And I came out with the same number of kids I went in with. I'm pretty sure they were even the same seven kids. And I don't think I will be taking seven kids anywhere else for quite a a while.