Third Time's the Charm?

True confession: I have two jobs. The pay is nice, but  the hours really bite.

I never intended to have two jobs, but at the beginning of September, I accepted another job at another pharmacy, and sort of never quit my job in Logan.   They are both part time, so I have been juggling schedules for 10 weeks now.

But I'm tired.

And I really need to eliminate one of them from my life.

The problem is that I simply am incapable of making up my mind about which job to give up. 

I have been unable to come to any kind of conclusion about this whole thing ever since it all happened. When I  got the offer on the second job, I told them I had to think about it, and would call them back.  Then I never called back, because I didn't know what to say.   The poor human resources lady called me back at least 6 times  to ask if I had made up my mind yet, and I have a sneaking suspicion she stayed late one night to surprise me by calling me after 5, just to see if she could catch me off guard.  Her ploy worked.   I finally just gave in, accepted the second job, put in my two week notice in Logan, and figured that was it. Then I started bawling about the thoughts of leaving my old job.  My boss bawled too.  It was awful.   Then when HR posted my job on the hiring website, they botched it up, got the hours wrong,  and had to repost it.   So, because I work for one of those very efficient large corporations, everybody who had applied for it had to re-apply.

Can you say delay? 

Then my boss in Logan went to Haiti and was way too wrapped in all the details of his trip to hire anybody.

Let's say it again, slowly this time: DEELAAAY.

So I told him I would stay until he got back and could get somebody hired.  And he TOTALLY took advantage of me, and just didn't do anything about hiring anybody..  And I TOTALLY took advantage of the situation as well, and just put off making up my mind about it.

In the meantime, I was not loving the new job very much at all.  I was prepared for an adjustment, but it was quite a culture shock. You know that line in Bolt, where the animal control lady complains about working with toddlers?  That's what working in Logan is like. Working with a bunch of toddlers.  It's crazy and fun and we act like children.  We also knock the pants off any other pharmacy I know, in terms of service, attention, and efficiency.  My new  job was.....not like that.  It's all quite serious and business-like, and a bit too regimented for my taste.

Then, after a lot of discussions and managerial meetings  and slow turning wheels and such,  my Logan boss threw out an offer to me to sweeten my deal up there if I would stay, and after lots of hemming and hawing, and feeling like a quitter and a wimp,  I decided to take him up on it.  So I went to my new boss and told him that I was leaving there, and going back to my old job.   Ahh, decision made again.  It felt so good.

Two days later, my new boss called me, and pretty much offered me the same thing my old boss offered me if I would stay at the new job.  Confused yet?  I am.  

So that leaves me with having to, for the THIRD time, make up my mind this weekend about which job I am going to stick with.  And I still don't know.  And I am so tired of thinking about it.

Here's the thing.  I LOVE my job in Logan.   If I didn't live 60 miles away, I would never, no never,  in a  jillion years, consider leaving.   But I do live 60 miles away, and it seems silly to drive so far when I can work for the same company doing the same thing only much closer to home.  Which is why I took the new job.

But the new job, even though it's a lot closer to home, feels  farther away, because I'm so busy there, I don't have 5 minutes during the day to even think about if my kids got home from school okay, let alone check up on them.  I don't have the same flexibility in my schedule. The work is much more repetitive at the new place.  It's much more like an assembly line, with a lot less interaction.  The people there are nice, but they don't hang out after work together or anything.

Starting any new job is hard, and I know if I decide to keep the new job, I'll adjust.  I don't think I will ever love it there, like I do in Logan, and I think I might burn out a lot quicker, but I know I can make it work for a while. But is it worth it?  I'm not used to dreading work days. 

Then again, if I stay in Logan, I face another winter of driving through the canyon to get to work.   TimewiseAnd pay for the gas.

If I could take these two  jobs and put them on one of those old balancing scales to see which one weighed out the best, it would be exactly even.  They both have an equal number of pros and cons. I can talk myself into moving forward with the same amount of zeal I can use to convince myself that I am crazy to consider letting go of the only perfect job I have ever had.