Kids These Days

One of my male children, who shall remain nameless, opened up the pantry closet this morning, and then the fridge, and after inspecting the milk, eggs, bread, frozen pancakes, eggs and 5 different cereal varieties, asked me if there was anything to eat for breakfast.  I told him there was only what he saw in front of him, to which he replied, "I don't see anything."  Well excuse me, dear offspring.   I am so SORRY that our menu items do not meet your expectations.

Another of my male children, who may or may not be the same unnamed child as in the previous paragraph, asked me this afternoon, as I was making a huge mess cleaning out the fridge, why I had not gotten around to baking cookies yet.  I told him that HE was welcome to bake some cookies, and pointed out that the recipe was easy, and was on the back of the package of chocolate chip cookies. He told me he couldn't bake cookies, because his ankle was hurting. Oh yeah kid? Your ankle hurts?  You want to talk about pain with me?  No, I didn't think so.

Later, yet another anonymous child of mine complained loudly about what a mess it ALWAYS is around our house. Wow. Time to fire that maid, I guess.  Tell you what, YOU can fire the maid. And then maybe you and me can continue that conversation about pain, son.  Like how I could still inflict some on you, even if you are taller than me. Not that I ever would WANT to hurt you.  I hate child abuse.  I'm just saying that if I ever needed to, oh, enforce my point lets say, well, I could take you.  You might want to keep that in mind, dear boy. 

And then there is Olivia, who is still young enough to be named, and is still shorter than me.  She explained to me in detail tonight what a spit shake is. You know, where you both spit on your hands and then shake.  Like a pinky promise only worse. I told her I thought spit shakes were really gross.  She told me she thought they were gross too.  "Don't worry though, Mom," she says. "I think only people from Idaho do them. "

Only people from Idaho do spit shakes?

"Yep", she says, " Because they think it's sexy."

Wow. She must know the same people from Idaho that I know.  They would definitely see sexy in a spit shake.