April is autism awareness month. The month is coming to an end, and I am wishing I had done something to acknowledge that. But "wishing I had done something" pretty much sums up how I feel about Duncan's autism in general. I wish I had done something different. I wish I had been more aggressive about that nagging feeling I had when he was a toddler, that something wasn't right. Maybe he could have been diagnosed earlier. I wish I had pressed harder for more intensive therapy when he was littler. Maybe it would have had more of an impact. I wish I had done more through all of the years with him. We should have tried more things, worked with him more, experimented with his diet, followed through on the sensory integration. But there was never enough time or money for what I wanted to do, and I always thought I could start something tomorrow. Now he is 15. He has pretty much turned into the person he is going to be. Some things are cementing in his personality, some traits are coming out that are going to be hard to deal with, and I wonder if there is anything I could have done differently that would have helped him more.
The guilt/regret is not helped in the least by all the media reports out there about the latest and greatest therapy that is only effective with early diagnosis, or by the celebrities who claim that through their amazing love and dedication, their child was cured of autism. There is so much focus on little kids with autism. What about bigger kids? I want somebody who can tell me what to do for him now, while he is a teenager, not to try to make him into something he's not, but to just help him have the best life he can. He deserves that much.
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